it felt great!
3 miles to be exact...thats not too shabby if i do say so myself.
i am out of shape and it should be more.
one day at a time though!
i was running along and loving my music ( i CANT run without my ipod!) and especially the gorgeous almost 70 degree weather!
i rounded a corner and this song "one thing" by finger eleven (?) came on my ipod playlist.
i dont know how this song got on my ipod...i dont remember putting it there.
but i really liked it really fast.
i am one of those people who re-play a GREAT song over and over and over again until i have really annoyed all those around me.
so i played it over and over on the frontage road.
my view on this particular street was of the bountiful temple.
gorgeous!
i just kept staring at the temple.
i love having so many temples close by.
one of the few things i love about utah! :)
so this song is playing and the words go like this:
"restless tonight,cuz i wasted the light.
between both these times i drew a really thin line.
its nothing i planned and not that i can.
but you should be mine.
across that line.
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing.....wouldnt that be something!
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing....wouldnt that be something!!
even though i know...i dont want to know...yeah i gues i know, i just hate how it sounds!
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing....wouldnt that be something!!"
those are not ALL of the lyrics...they do repeat that last chorus a few more times.
so you are probably wondering why i am telling you this....
most of you know that shawn and i were not married in the temple.
something that i am very ashamed and saddened about.
we had a goal to go soon after we were married.
obviously that has not happened.
i have gone on my own and have taken out my endowments.
amazing!!!
"but the one thing that i would trade it all for", and that one thing that is "across that thin line" for me is to be sealed to my husband and my 4 amazing kids for time and all eternity!
that is one thing "that should be mine!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
you all know that we live very modestly...on a very modest income for a family of 6.
we rent a small townhome.
we dont own a home.
we dont have much, in the worlds eyes.
no boats, no big toys, no fancy cars.
we dont go on fancy trips...ever!
and that is ok!
we do have the basics.
we have each other.
i have 4 amazing, wonderful, beautiful children!!!!
that is all anyone needs..right!?
i would give it all away....our modest home and whatever i had to
get that "one thing".
to see my 4 beautiful children dressed in all white become mine FOREVER!
to see my husband in all white, become mine the way we were suppose to become one.
to become a family forever.
yes.
i would give it all, i would trade it all for just that one thing!
now wouldnt that be something!!!!!!!!
23 comments:
You shouldn't make a pregnant woman cry! It will happen. You have an awesome family and he'll come around.
I completely and totally understand what you are feeling. Even though my life is different now.....I was there for many years. I know how hard it is to be the active parent and to take the kids to church....alone.....every week. I know what it's like to spend hours looking up at the temple wishing you could be in there together. I know what it's like to see so many around you have what you want.
But.....
Stay positive and remember that we are all on the same road......everyone at a different point of the trip......and sometimes it just takes some of us a little longer to get to that point. I believe that someday you WILL be there with Shawn and your kids. This experience will make you stronger and will make your husband a stronger member when it happens. He'll do it for all the right reasons and because he's ready.....because he's where he needs to be in his life.....and he can see that it really is possible to be with you and your kids forever. Really.
That "One Thing" will be yours to share with each other......forever.
(Sniff, sniff) Wow! Now that I am bawling my eyes out and can barely see the keyboard to type... You are amazing girl, and not only because you ran 3 miles after having a baby not that long ago! Stay strong, and it will happen. Keep doing what you are doing because your kids are watching, and taking notes. I wish you the best!
We should go running sometime...I like the late night runs, but you'd have to talk to me and not listen to music! Missed you at playgroup.
I agree with the others...I'm teary. It does get tiring to hear people say that "it will happen one day". You know our situation...similar in a way only you are active and I am not :) It's hard. I'm hard on myself. I comfort myself in saying that I married this amazing amazing person who I know I'll be married to for eternity in my eyes and we have a marriage built on something others don't always have. Marriages in the temple aren't always rosey and one day when we both get to be there, dressed in white (crying our eyes out), we'll be the most rewarded women. You, my friend, are wonderful. I don't know you as well as many but the minute I met you I knew why!!
I like the comment about your kids taking notes, because they are. As with every selfless thing that comes with being a mom try to focus hard on what you are doing right...I know it sucks, it does. Were you hand picked for your current situation...I think so. Eternity will prevail, keep wanting, it will come. xoxo, miss you guys!
This is a tough one to know the right thing to comment, other than to say we so want all the happiness for you, Shawn and your kids.
you are the best...we are hardest on ourselves...and you should not be ashamed...look at all the great adn wonderful things you have accomplished...I think you are the bomb and I look up to you for your strength and perseverance. I'm wowed that you ran 3 miles...I get winded going to my mailbox! miss and love you
You will have it. I know you will. It might take longer or even shorter than you think but I really believe that you will have exactly what you want. Just keep on going and don't give up! You are Amazing and you are such an example to your kids and to Shawn. I am so glad that he married you because you are truly such a blessing to our family!
Hey Natalie, I completely understand what you are going through...My husband wasn't a member of the church when we were married. Honestly, I never even dared to dream, out loud anyway, that he would join the church and take us through the temple. But slowly it happened... It will for you too.
I don't know Christine, but her advice is really wise!! When you look back on this time, after you are sealed, you will be grateful that your husband took his time and made sure it was right for him and your family, it will mean more to all of you.
Your an awesome wife and mother..hang in there.
Hey! Just found your blog! So excited to be able to keep tabs on you and your wonderful family! :)
Hey I found your blog from Wolff's. It's Julie from DP's office. Your family is so cute and you look great too. Just thought I would say Hi.
That is such a righteous desire of your heart, that you totally deserve. You are an incredible person. Kortney always spoke so highly of you!
Natalie, I love you
Ann
Hey Nat - What a touching post. It is so wonderful to live in a place where you are surrounded by Temples. You surely are on the right track with all that you are doing for your family! Love and miss you!
Nat! I really am speechless and very tearful... i have definately taken my temple marriage for granted. Reading your post has really reminded me what we do have. I KNOW you and your family will be sealed... I am so proud of you and your strength. You are AMAZING!! There are many people who could not do what you're doing, including me! Keep up the hard/rewarding work!! You have a beautiful famliy!! I love you!
Tears...
You are amazing Nat. Your kids and your husband will thank you so much one day for all that you do. Seriously. Keep fighting the good fight. You AND your family will be blessed....I know it! I love you and look up to you. You rock!
OK - Natalie - let me start by first saying that I am NOT a blog stalker! I happened on yours through your facebook page - and let me tell you, I had to go get tissues!! You really are a beautiful person inside and out! I can't say anything to the post that hasn't already been said other than endure to the end...it will be worth it! What a lucky person I am to have you as a friend! Love you!
Charli
Natalie,
YOU are amazing. You have a gorgeous family. That was so perfectly written. I have felt your pain. I was there also. Never give up hope. Im so glad you are such a good friend of mine. I love you. Now I need to go find a tissue.
I'm not sure how I missed this! I just saw your new post and had to come see what I missed. Nat, I'm so glad I came looking! Just like everyone else, I have tears. I love your honesty. I appreciate so much the blogs that are real and heart felt, not 'perfect' and 'sugar coated' because no one is. We all have something and I feel so much more love for those I feel I can relate to. You are an amazing mom from everything I'm seeing because you try so hard to be a good example for your children. Keep loving them and your husband and that's all that matters! I hope you get what you most desire one day and I'll keep you in my prayers!
Nat~
That is so sweet. I have read this a couple of times and have cried every time I read it. Its so amazing to see what is so important to you. You guys truly are an awesome family and you are such a strong person. I know it will all come together for you one day. Keep doing what you are doing and it will happen. You are such an amazing example of faith and having a strong testimony of the gospel and doing what you believe in. Keep it up. Everything will turn out awesome. Love you!
Nat
You are AMAZING!
I did not know this about your family.
You are an amazingly strong person & i truly admire you!
You will be rewarded for your strength & your kids will benefit greatly from seeing your strength!!!
You can do it!!! Keep that goal!!!
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