and so grateful!!!!
i honestly am at a loss for words! thank you so much for everyones wonderful support, love and advice!
i didn't think i even had this many readers of my lame old blog! :)
i am usually not this honest and open with my feelings unless i know you really well. so, i am still kind of shocked that i wrote this very candid post. for some reason though i just felt very compelled to be so honest and just get it all down where i would remember how i was feeling in this time of my life.
so, thank you for being so kind!
i feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends and such amazing family in my life! You guys will never know how much your words have helped me keep moving forward and
helped my spirits!
seriously, words cant even express how much i love all of you and how grateful i am for you comments...i am at a loss for words.
know that i love each one of you and i have read and re-read your comments over and over again.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
The one where i would trade it all!
So, i went running tonight!
it felt great!
3 miles to be exact...thats not too shabby if i do say so myself.
i am out of shape and it should be more.
one day at a time though!
i was running along and loving my music ( i CANT run without my ipod!) and especially the gorgeous almost 70 degree weather!
i rounded a corner and this song "one thing" by finger eleven (?) came on my ipod playlist.
i dont know how this song got on my ipod...i dont remember putting it there.
but i really liked it really fast.
i am one of those people who re-play a GREAT song over and over and over again until i have really annoyed all those around me.
so i played it over and over on the frontage road.
my view on this particular street was of the bountiful temple.
gorgeous!
i just kept staring at the temple.
i love having so many temples close by.
one of the few things i love about utah! :)
so this song is playing and the words go like this:
"restless tonight,cuz i wasted the light.
between both these times i drew a really thin line.
its nothing i planned and not that i can.
but you should be mine.
across that line.
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing.....wouldnt that be something!
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing....wouldnt that be something!!
even though i know...i dont want to know...yeah i gues i know, i just hate how it sounds!
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing....wouldnt that be something!!"
those are not ALL of the lyrics...they do repeat that last chorus a few more times.
so you are probably wondering why i am telling you this....
most of you know that shawn and i were not married in the temple.
something that i am very ashamed and saddened about.
we had a goal to go soon after we were married.
obviously that has not happened.
i have gone on my own and have taken out my endowments.
amazing!!!
"but the one thing that i would trade it all for", and that one thing that is "across that thin line" for me is to be sealed to my husband and my 4 amazing kids for time and all eternity!
that is one thing "that should be mine!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
you all know that we live very modestly...on a very modest income for a family of 6.
we rent a small townhome.
we dont own a home.
we dont have much, in the worlds eyes.
no boats, no big toys, no fancy cars.
we dont go on fancy trips...ever!
and that is ok!
we do have the basics.
we have each other.
i have 4 amazing, wonderful, beautiful children!!!!
that is all anyone needs..right!?
i would give it all away....our modest home and whatever i had to
get that "one thing".
to see my 4 beautiful children dressed in all white become mine FOREVER!
to see my husband in all white, become mine the way we were suppose to become one.
to become a family forever.
yes.
i would give it all, i would trade it all for just that one thing!
now wouldnt that be something!!!!!!!!
it felt great!
3 miles to be exact...thats not too shabby if i do say so myself.
i am out of shape and it should be more.
one day at a time though!
i was running along and loving my music ( i CANT run without my ipod!) and especially the gorgeous almost 70 degree weather!
i rounded a corner and this song "one thing" by finger eleven (?) came on my ipod playlist.
i dont know how this song got on my ipod...i dont remember putting it there.
but i really liked it really fast.
i am one of those people who re-play a GREAT song over and over and over again until i have really annoyed all those around me.
so i played it over and over on the frontage road.
my view on this particular street was of the bountiful temple.
gorgeous!
i just kept staring at the temple.
i love having so many temples close by.
one of the few things i love about utah! :)
so this song is playing and the words go like this:
"restless tonight,cuz i wasted the light.
between both these times i drew a really thin line.
its nothing i planned and not that i can.
but you should be mine.
across that line.
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing.....wouldnt that be something!
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing....wouldnt that be something!!
even though i know...i dont want to know...yeah i gues i know, i just hate how it sounds!
if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, but just for one thing.
if i sorted it out, if i knew all about this one thing....wouldnt that be something!!"
those are not ALL of the lyrics...they do repeat that last chorus a few more times.
so you are probably wondering why i am telling you this....
most of you know that shawn and i were not married in the temple.
something that i am very ashamed and saddened about.
we had a goal to go soon after we were married.
obviously that has not happened.
i have gone on my own and have taken out my endowments.
amazing!!!
"but the one thing that i would trade it all for", and that one thing that is "across that thin line" for me is to be sealed to my husband and my 4 amazing kids for time and all eternity!
that is one thing "that should be mine!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
"wouldnt that be something!"
you all know that we live very modestly...on a very modest income for a family of 6.
we rent a small townhome.
we dont own a home.
we dont have much, in the worlds eyes.
no boats, no big toys, no fancy cars.
we dont go on fancy trips...ever!
and that is ok!
we do have the basics.
we have each other.
i have 4 amazing, wonderful, beautiful children!!!!
that is all anyone needs..right!?
i would give it all away....our modest home and whatever i had to
get that "one thing".
to see my 4 beautiful children dressed in all white become mine FOREVER!
to see my husband in all white, become mine the way we were suppose to become one.
to become a family forever.
yes.
i would give it all, i would trade it all for just that one thing!
now wouldnt that be something!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The one where we go to temple square.....
in the rain and cold.
Sunday was a great easter day. My stake presidents wife mentioned in R.S. the film on Joseph Smith that they are playing at the JSMB.
I made a mental note that i needed to go and take my family to see this.
Tonight was the night...we have not been to Temple Square in quite a while.
So, this was long overdue!!!
The kids came home from school and i got them all ready. Shawn, of course opted out and said he was going to stay home.
enter my anger! bear with me, this does have a point!
Paige had fallen asleep and so it was perfect for me to go and not worry about her needing to eat for a while. We were walking out the door...paige woke up!
Enter frustration!
i had to feed her, shawn would not come and i did not feel like taking all 4 kids by myself....the movie was starting in 30 minutes...i had to feed paige. so i decided we would go to the 6pm movie.
5:15 came and we had to leave....i needed to stop at costco on the way just to return something really quick. I pulled into the parking lot...found a spot...waited for the car to pull out...another car whips right in front of me. and actually takes the spot that i was clearly waiting for!
enter more anger!
ok, i tell myself it is ok...there is another spot right next to it...calm down nat....i wait for this one...another #$&@%@#, i mean man, pulled in front of me and took this one too.
I am not making this stuff up!!!!
I swore!
I was on my way to temple square and i swore.
I was not in the right mood to go there and feel the spirit.
enter my 3rd time of the night thinking that i should just turn around and call it a night and try another day.
I found another spot....nobody was going to take this one!!!!
i parked.
SO frustrated!!
I run in and return my item....run back out to the car.
leaving the stupid lot and a women runs a stop sign and i have to slam on my brakes!
seriously!!!!????
I swore!
Again....i should just go home!
i am thinking...is there some reason why i should not be going to temple square?
I turn right and head toward the freeway, of course after laying on my horn at this lady. yes, it did make me feel better!
we finally make it with 2 minutes to spare!
enter the spirit!
the movie was fabulous! the boys and i were both crying and it was so worth all the frustration....even though i swore, the spirit was still there. :)
we also went to the visitors center and that was great...and did a few of the other tours. it was so neat!
the kids loved it and thanked me for taking them and especially thanked me for the ice cream afterwards.
i am so glad i went and did not give up on my desire to have a spiritual experience.
here are some highlights!
I realize my pictures are not all that great quality....sorry!
at least i have them for the memory though, right?
sorry for the long post! :):)
Sunday was a great easter day. My stake presidents wife mentioned in R.S. the film on Joseph Smith that they are playing at the JSMB.
I made a mental note that i needed to go and take my family to see this.
Tonight was the night...we have not been to Temple Square in quite a while.
So, this was long overdue!!!
The kids came home from school and i got them all ready. Shawn, of course opted out and said he was going to stay home.
enter my anger! bear with me, this does have a point!
Paige had fallen asleep and so it was perfect for me to go and not worry about her needing to eat for a while. We were walking out the door...paige woke up!
Enter frustration!
i had to feed her, shawn would not come and i did not feel like taking all 4 kids by myself....the movie was starting in 30 minutes...i had to feed paige. so i decided we would go to the 6pm movie.
5:15 came and we had to leave....i needed to stop at costco on the way just to return something really quick. I pulled into the parking lot...found a spot...waited for the car to pull out...another car whips right in front of me. and actually takes the spot that i was clearly waiting for!
enter more anger!
ok, i tell myself it is ok...there is another spot right next to it...calm down nat....i wait for this one...another #$&@%@#, i mean man, pulled in front of me and took this one too.
I am not making this stuff up!!!!
I swore!
I was on my way to temple square and i swore.
I was not in the right mood to go there and feel the spirit.
enter my 3rd time of the night thinking that i should just turn around and call it a night and try another day.
I found another spot....nobody was going to take this one!!!!
i parked.
SO frustrated!!
I run in and return my item....run back out to the car.
leaving the stupid lot and a women runs a stop sign and i have to slam on my brakes!
seriously!!!!????
I swore!
Again....i should just go home!
i am thinking...is there some reason why i should not be going to temple square?
I turn right and head toward the freeway, of course after laying on my horn at this lady. yes, it did make me feel better!
we finally make it with 2 minutes to spare!
enter the spirit!
the movie was fabulous! the boys and i were both crying and it was so worth all the frustration....even though i swore, the spirit was still there. :)
we also went to the visitors center and that was great...and did a few of the other tours. it was so neat!
the kids loved it and thanked me for taking them and especially thanked me for the ice cream afterwards.
i am so glad i went and did not give up on my desire to have a spiritual experience.
here are some highlights!
I realize my pictures are not all that great quality....sorry!
at least i have them for the memory though, right?
sorry for the long post! :):)
The one where paige is 6 months old....
STATS:
17.1 pounds
27 inches long
Surprise, surprise! If you can believe it Paige is 75th percentile across the board. I dont know the head size....i never pay attention to that. She looks great and i actually let them give her all of her shots....only because i promised shawn i would and because they are letting me do them slowly and spread out a little more.
I am not a fan of immunizations!!! that is another story though.
A few of our names for Paige:
*chub-a-wubs
*cheeks
*chubby bunny
*chunky monkey
*paigey-waigey
*chipmunk
Do you think she will remember this? Hopefully she has the Jensen gene and then it is all in good fun!
I also took Marissa in for her 4-year check-up and to talk about finally getting her some shots. (uggghhhhhh!!!!)
She did great!
Hearing: check
vision: check
balance: check
stranger talk: check
private part talk: check
sucker: check, check
height: 3 ft. 8 inches
weight: 40 pounds
Surprise surprise...she is 100% on height and 50th on weight.
Poor girl!!!!
She doesnt even have to be in a car seat anymore!
She can just be in a booster seat with a back and just use the seat belt!
WOW!!!
If only she would stay buckled i might consider doing this...she loves to unbuckle and roam around the car!
I cannot believe how big they are getting! Seriously makes me sad....i want them to stay like this forever!
Sunday after church Marissa was telling me what she learned in her class and she was telling me the song they sang.
Book of Mormon Stories.
The last line....."Giv'n the land if they lived righteously."
Marissa sings it like this...."giv'n the lamb if they live right to sleep"
Adorable!!
I love the stage they are both in right now...too fun!!!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The one where Marissa turns 4!
Marissa was born on March 31, 2005.
in Blue Springs, MO.
at 1:30 pm
7 lbs. 14 oz.
21 inches long
absolutely gorgeous!!
My girl is the BIG 4 today! Wow! I cant believe it...i have been telling her all day that she has to go backwards instead of forward with her age...that today she is 3.
She is not buying into this idea at all!
Here are some highlights of her BIRTHday......
The epidural always makes me sleepy...and so groggy!
Our beautiful little girl...off the subject a bit, but isn't my hubby SO HOT!!
THE most amazing moment in all of life...holding your brand new beautiful baby for the first time...UNBELIEVABLE!!!
yes...marissa was bigger than her big brother, logan.
P.E.R.F.E.C.T!!! and love all that beautiful dark hair!
man she was such a gorgeous baby!!!
wide-eyed!!
first time meeting her amazing big brothers...they were so excited!
Today was great! Grandma Burtenshaw was even here this morning to help kick off the glorious day. Marissa woke up to the balloons, decorations and her brand new big girl bike! She was so happy!
We had to wait ALL DAY for shawn to get home from work to open the rest of the presents and man it was a long wait!
She asked every 20 minutes if she could just open one...please!
She picked the place for dinner...a tradition in our family.
The choice: Wendys!
Then off to the Rec Center to swim...her favorite thing!
Home for presents and cake....i have to hand it to her...she
made it until 8pm to open the rest of her presents!
thank you babe for being so patient!
The loot:
From my mom and bruce: Lagoon season pass and homemade skirt (ADORABLE!!)
From Grandma and Grandpa Allen: beach towel, movie, gift card, socks, headbands, color wonder book, book, and notepad. (spoiled!)
From mom and dad: bike, helmet, barbie head, barbie, barbie clothes, spongebob pjs, swimsuit,
cute pjs, earrings, and shoes.
My favorite things about my beautiful Marissa:
1. her sweet spirit
2. her cute dimples
3. she is so motherly
4. she is so complimentary
5. her tight, two-armed death hugs
6. her self-confidence
7. the love she has for her dad...she adores him!
8. her smile
9. that she is mine!!!
I love you baby girl!
may we always be the best of friends just like we are right now!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
in Blue Springs, MO.
at 1:30 pm
7 lbs. 14 oz.
21 inches long
absolutely gorgeous!!
My girl is the BIG 4 today! Wow! I cant believe it...i have been telling her all day that she has to go backwards instead of forward with her age...that today she is 3.
She is not buying into this idea at all!
Here are some highlights of her BIRTHday......
The epidural always makes me sleepy...and so groggy!
Our beautiful little girl...off the subject a bit, but isn't my hubby SO HOT!!
THE most amazing moment in all of life...holding your brand new beautiful baby for the first time...UNBELIEVABLE!!!
yes...marissa was bigger than her big brother, logan.
P.E.R.F.E.C.T!!! and love all that beautiful dark hair!
man she was such a gorgeous baby!!!
wide-eyed!!
first time meeting her amazing big brothers...they were so excited!
Today was great! Grandma Burtenshaw was even here this morning to help kick off the glorious day. Marissa woke up to the balloons, decorations and her brand new big girl bike! She was so happy!
We had to wait ALL DAY for shawn to get home from work to open the rest of the presents and man it was a long wait!
She asked every 20 minutes if she could just open one...please!
She picked the place for dinner...a tradition in our family.
The choice: Wendys!
Then off to the Rec Center to swim...her favorite thing!
Home for presents and cake....i have to hand it to her...she
made it until 8pm to open the rest of her presents!
thank you babe for being so patient!
The loot:
From my mom and bruce: Lagoon season pass and homemade skirt (ADORABLE!!)
From Grandma and Grandpa Allen: beach towel, movie, gift card, socks, headbands, color wonder book, book, and notepad. (spoiled!)
From mom and dad: bike, helmet, barbie head, barbie, barbie clothes, spongebob pjs, swimsuit,
cute pjs, earrings, and shoes.
My favorite things about my beautiful Marissa:
1. her sweet spirit
2. her cute dimples
3. she is so motherly
4. she is so complimentary
5. her tight, two-armed death hugs
6. her self-confidence
7. the love she has for her dad...she adores him!
8. her smile
9. that she is mine!!!
I love you baby girl!
may we always be the best of friends just like we are right now!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The one where Paige is 5 months old!
Yes, again this post is also overdue! She was 5 months old 1 month ago. i am having a hard time staying on top of things but i guess later is better than never!
isn't she so cute???
look at those cheeks!!
that is what EVERYONE says when they look at her and i am a proud mamma to show them off...because she is healthy and happy and full.....always full.
yes, i think i do produce cream and dang proud of it...i would not have it any other way.
i LOVE my chunky babies!
i LOVE my Paige!
The one where paige is 4 months!!!
This first picture is when paige had RSV. it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be...of course we were worried but she recovered so quickly! she was really bad for 4 days and then was over it. that's my big, strong, tough girl!
Ok so, paige was 4 months old 2 months ago...but i am trying to catch up...seriously SO behind!
STATS: Height: 24 3/4"
Weight: 14 lbs. 3 oz.
I am not sure where she is on the chart as in percentile...i will have to update later. but i have no doubt she is on the higher end.
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